Kill d' Jejemons!

One boring night, you decided to cyber-talk (tech term for online chatting), after time immemorial. At sa kamalas-malasan nga naman ng pagkakataon, eto pa ang sasambulat sayo:

1_h0Tti3_xXx: EoW pFuOh!

You: Huh?

1_h0Tti3_xXx: i LLyK tO knOw moR3 bOut u, PwfoH. crE 2 t3ll mE yur N@me? jejejejeje!

You: You are a jejemon! Don't talk to me, you uneducated retard!

1_h0Tti3_xXx: T_T

... to be continued...

Meanwhile, isang araw (actually gabi yun), may 2 friends na nag-meet sa isang lugar kung saan 2 klase lang ng tao ang makikita: badings or social climbers. Sa Starbucks.

A: Hay nakoh anung petsa na?

B: Di ko alam wala akong dalang kalendaryo.

A: Ewan ko sayo! Hmp! (with matching padabog and nguso factor). Lika order na tayo!

B: Ah oorder ba? Kala ko magpapasosyal lang tayo dito.

A: (Dedma). Anong coffee mo? Libre na kita.

B: Now you’re talking! (wala lang palang pera ang hitad, dami pang satsat).

Pagkatapos umorder

B: Siyanga pala, bakit nga ba bigla kang nag-aya magkape? E pwede naman tayong tumambay sa bahay. Just like the old days.

A: That’s exactly my point. I feel like those old days are far gone already.

B: Huh? (nosebleed).

A: What I mean is ang dami ng tao sa buhay natin ang umaalis. Tapos tayo andito pa din.

B: Bakit si V lang naman at tsaka si M ang umalis ah?

A: Yun nga. Bakit kelangan pa na magkahiwa-hiwalay. Nakakalungkot lang na after such a long time na magkakasama tayo, and mind you, those days were really fun. Then all of a sudden, they’re gone. Just like that.

B: Teka medyo senti na tayo ah. Pero diba, kaya sila umalis because of greener pastures? Hindi lang yun basta-basta.

A: I understand. Kaso hindi lang talaga ko sanay na maiwan.

B: Yeah, kahit naman sino. Pero naisip mo ba kung gano naman kasakit para sa kanila ang umalis? Kasi sometimes, as humans, we tend to be selfish and all we think is about ourselves. But then we have to consider it’s probably twice as hard for them to not just leave the people they love but also go somewhere that’s outside of their comfort zone.

A: Point taken. Pero di mo ba naisip na umalis na lang din? Baka iwan mo din ako ah!

B: Of course not. I would never do that to you. We’re BFF’s right?

After almost 2 hours of tsismisan

A: Lika na. Uwi na ko.

B: Ok. Bye!

A: Ba-bye!

Morale: Goodbyes are forever.

Since Saturday night is party night, Paris and Dixie went drinking. At dahil hindi nila kayang lumevel due to budget constraints, napilitan silang mag-bucket na lang ng Red Horse.

Paris: I miss you friend!

Dixie: Miss yah more!

After a sudden silence

Paris & Dixie: Haha!! Tama na plastikan!

Dixie: O sya-sya, musta life? Balita ko you have a masugid suitor from University of Morayta.

Paris: Yeah. He’s nice actually. Cute naman. Kaso I really don’t feel anything special about him.

Dixie: Choosy ka! Pero sabagay, you can’t command the heart. Ako nga, fulfilled sa sex but there’s still something missing.

Paris: Ikaw na ang sex-god! Haha! Pero di mo ba naisip minsan na mag-settle?

Dixie: As of now, hindi pa. Especially pag napiitan ka lang mag-settle just because of pressure dahil tumatanda na. Pero minsan, nakakapagod din. Paulit-ulit na lang.

Paris: Exactly. You meet someone. Fall in love. Fall out of love o kaya break-up. Then meet a new one again. The cycle goes on.

Dixie: I love first dates! Everything seems so magical. Kilig-kiligan lang!

Paris: Yun eh kung like mo ang ka-date mo! What if hindi? What if chakaness?

Dixie: Hmm... Gano kapangit? I think we need to set a standard for kapangitan. Hahaha!

Paris: What if sing-pangit ni **** pero super yaman?

Dixie: As in super?? (eyes sparkling) At kung mag-offer ay mas mataas pa kay banker??

Paris: Deal!!!

Morale: Admit it or not, money sets love standards.

Agent Cutie (AC) is now seatmates with Crush at work. Ok na sana except for one thing - hindi na niya crush si Crush. So let’s name him na lang as Ex-Crush.

Monday

AC: Ui, musta naman ang mga calls mo?

Ex-Crush: Bad trip nga eh! Puro sup calls. Those dumb Canadians!

AC: Easy lang. Because of that, kumain na lang tayo! (sabay hagis ng chips).

Ex-Crush: Wow thanks! (while munching) Buti na lang may swimming kami ni girlfriend this Saturday. At east, I have something to look forward to.

AC: Right. Look at the bright side! (note: walang bitterness ‘to!)

Tuesday

AC: Wow ang aga mo ah.

Ex-Crush: Ang dami ko pa tatapusin na monitors, badtrip!

AC: Ako din. Cueing kasi, pakshet!

Ex-Crush: Oo nga, kaka-stress. Good thing, manunuod kami Iron Man 2 ni girlfriend sa Sunday. Excited na ko!

AC: Correct. Silver lining behind toxic clouds! Hehe (note: wala talagang bitterness ‘to)

At home, while accidentally checking out his cellphone Call Register, Agent Cutie found out he called Ex-Crush last Saturday night – while he’s drunk!

Wednesday

AC: (thinking if he’s going to ask Ex-Crush about what happened last Saturday) Ui, what time daw yung meeting?

Ex-Crush: Not sure eh. Tatawagin naman siguro tayo nung mga yun. Tsaka ang dami ko pang di natatapos. Kasi naman ang hirap pagsabayin mag-calls tsaka mag-monitor. Tapos di pa ko makapag-OT kasi magkikita kami ni girl...

AC: (suddenly butt-in) Ui, tinawagan ba kita nung Saturday night?

Ex-Crush: Ah.. eh.. yup. Bakit nga pala? Sori di ko nasagot ah. I was asleep na at that time. Kasi umalis pa ko after our shift that day. Nag-lunch kami ni girlfriend sa Morato. Favorite niya kasi yung restaurant dun. Tapos nagpasama pa siya pumunta sa...

AC: (smile – what a relief!)

Ex-Crush: Grabe pagod na pagod nga ako nun e. Pero ok lang kasi kasama ko naman si girlfriend. Tsaka after, minasahe naman niya ko. Kasi graduate din siya ng nursing. Mag-take nga siya ng board...

AC: (all he can hear is blah.. blah.. and realizes: kaya pala puro girlfriend ang topic... feeling niya may feelings pa din ako sa kanya!)

Morale: Drunk calling is way more hazardous than drunk driving.

...continuation of the Jejemon experience..

1_h0Tti3_xXx: kZ uR So hOT pE0w! loLz! + __+ ceYR2 ChAt, N0h?

You: What the hell are you still chatting with me? Get your own life for fuck’s sake!

1_h0Tti3_xXx: Nu gWA~ Nio~ pUh Ng@UN, N0H? HoPe~ mgkITA taU 1 tym LOlZ!~ =>> Seb, AnyNe,~ n0H?, <+__+> N0h?~ JEJeJe!!

You: Jejeje mo mukha mo!

You have logged-out.

Chasing Happiness

“Happiness is over-rated. Nobody ever accomplished anything great while they were happy.” – www.glasbergen.com

Good Friday maybe most people's least favorite holiday, but not for me, I find it conveniently practical. The Gloria administration calendar gave us 12 freakin' days in a year to celebrate and waste our hard-earned money to nonsense jubilation so it just makes sense if we can offer this single day to reflect, repent and renew anything worth remembering. If not, just remain silent (or sleep the day off!).

I’ve been thinking why Good Friday relates to sadness. I get that it used to be when Christ was crucified to save the life of Christians. It can also be the bitterness for those unlucky ones who’s got work on this day. Or maybe it’s for those emotionally-binded people who cogitate about how they live and struggle just for the pursuit of a certain elusive thing called happiness. Well I’m just saying.

Cry Baby

Don’t we all remember the moment we first saw the world with our two teeny-tiny button-like baby eyes, we’re already crying our lungs out? Doctors say it’s to check if a new born is normal or there will be another person on earth destined to live miserably due to disability. Some parents just want to satisfy themselves while staring at their babies screaming unnervingly, feeling good they have produced something worthy.

I say the only reason we cried is to know we’re alive. Because in the absence of our sense of thought, we feel the only way to celebrate at that instance is to make such noise, not knowing that for the next 25 years we will soon get tired of crying.

Wander Years

Awkward is putting it under-rated, it’s the period of our lives where everything we do is a mistake. We’re confused: Are we cool enough to kiss someone we like? Do we look good wearing the same outfit as its celebrity endorser? Are we grown-up enough to make life-altering decisions? Do we follow our heart or mind when we love?

Questions like these cause bewilderment and lead to mistakes which turn to sadness. But who created these questions anyway? It’s not wrong to follow the pattern set by adults but it’s absolutely not right to be dictated from our own beliefs, especially if these are what make us happy. Remember, regret is indispensable.

The New Testament

Our vocabulary widened, that’s for sure, and one word that’s not on it is “simple”. We learned that “time” changes every “emotion” and “change” is a great factor in every “feeling”. We become obssessively in-control of our life now yet ironically we still feel emotionally damaged everytime. Like there’s always something missing in our jigsaw puzzle.

The adrenaline is still intact but you notice it’s not for the right reasons. You all of a sudden feel the rush of a ticking pressuring clock.

We get tired of working, we feel strained partying. Worst can come and we surrender loving. But if there’s one sure thing this 20 effin’ years has taught me, it’s that we will never ever give up on running, finding, attaining, chasing happiness.

Thank god it’s Good Friday. My time didn’t get trashed out on anything senseless.

Ode Avec Moi

To myself (one year from now),

How are you? I hope your ok. Not that I’m worried since if there’s one thing I know about you is that you are a survivor. It’s true, time flies so fast and so many things have happened from the time I’m writing this and you reading it. I’m not going to make a fuss anymore all the possibilities that can turn out from that one year gap. It’s endless.

Remember when you started your training on your new job? You don’t know anyone. But instead of being scared, you thought this will be the best time to experiment about yourself. True, you are confident but you have insecurities as well. That includes your current relationship. During that time, you knew it was nearing the end but when it’s time to finalize it, you felt the world stumbling down on you. You cried your heart out. Afraid of not finding love again.

Then you met him. He was just one of the crowd during the first few days but after a while, he’s the only one who stand out in your eyes. Blame no one, but the assuming in you thought you can be together. You tried erasing the picture of him being your boyfriend several times but the exact same thoughts keep coming back and wanting for more. You find yourself head over heels for him. Like your adornment for a pair of shoes you once saw while shopping, but whatever you do, still you can’t buy it because it just doesn’t fit your feet. And you promise yourself there will be some other nice shoes some other time.

You may or may not get a job promotion. Actually, I’m not even sure if you’re still in the same company. I guess no one really knows it. As Peyton Sawyer once said in One Tree Hill, “people always leave”. But no matter how you’re used to parting ways, you still get sad everytime you close a chapter. Nonetheless, you still live, however fucked up the situation is. And that’s why I’m proud of you. As the saying goes “The brave may only live once but the cautious will not live at all.”

You, may not be brave. But you are definitely a survivor.

XoXo

Being Bitter

Click on PRESSURE to start... again.

Also Starring

Almost two weeks after the most sought-after controversial break-up since Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt hit the news, I can proudly say that I am now recuperating. I realized to start accepting the fact that in life, there’s always Hello’s, Goodbye’s and the gap in between. It was just that the gap we had from the moment we said hello and goodbye lasted for 1 year and 6 months. And according to an article I read about gay relationships, it’s counted as 5-7 years! So you can just imagine how hard it is for me to let go.

Thanks to Bro I have a job during the process of this so-called moving-on phase. I don’t want to even picture myself just staying at home and not doing anything while recollecting those cheesy moments I had with him. I may have the worst attention span for nothing but this dynamic work made it easy for me to divert my emotions, especially with some newfound friends. They’re just two girls I found the magic of cliquing which is perfect since I’m not really a big-group type of person. Just as I needed, they serve as my vacuum cleaner that absorbs everything I blurt out. Talk about information overload!

The 10^th letter

To be honest, I’m not really expecting it anytime right after the break-up. For sure, I didn’t notice him during the first two weeks of training but there he was, capturing my every sense of infatuated attraction. Since it’s not at first sight so, I have to give him repeatedly multiple stares and not until then I was able to tell myself “Yeah, he’s cute!”

Maybe it’s the challenge that keeps me excited. Or just the simple silver piercing on his left ear that makes me wonder if he’s a good boy or what not. Or maybe it’s the subtle narrowing of his upper lip everytime he smiles for picture-taking’s. Whatever it is, it gives me that high-school-ish un-sexual tingling sensation and keeps my heart pounding just as I breathe while whispering “hay....”

You might be asking, what’s the catch? Yes I’m unattached but he is not. Plus, he’s straight, well at least that’s what the press release is. I may be the queen of second thoughts but he is the king of mixed signals. All my years of education can’t seem to find the answer if there’s something between us or I’m just assuming.

What I did is I stopped. Even before the situation gets more difficult for me to control. I maybe single but I don’t think I’m ready to mingle just yet. I don’t have any plans risking my heart be broken again anytime soon. Plus, I have a great intuition that this longing I have is only caused by the V-day fast approaching. I know some would say I might regret my decision and I thought about it too. But then again, he’s not the only letter in the alphabet, anyway.

My Valentine Massacre Plan

I always watch the news everytime I can. But lately, I was secretly wishing PGMA will announce V-day is not happening this year. As to how I’d expect it to hear, here’s a sample snippet:

NEWSFLASH!

Julius Babao: Kapapasok lang na balita, Pangulong Arroyo kinansela ang Valentine’s Day ngayong taon. Para sa mga detalye, live at nasa Malacanang si Alex Aligpala. Alex?

Alex: Julius, andito nga tayo sa Malacanang dahil inanunsyo ni Pang. Arroyo ang pag-kansela niya sa Valentine’s Day ngayong taon. Pakinggan natin ang kanyang speech.

PGMA: Mga minamahal kong kababayan, malugod kong pinagbibigyan ang hiling ng nakararami na kanselahin ang pagdiriwang ng Araw ng mga Puso ngayong taon. Narito ang aking eksplanasyon:

Una, wala namang tayong santo Valentino na puwedeng pag-piyestahan sa ating bansa. Pangalawa, dahil sa kakapusan ng asukal, hindi na makakagawa ng mga chocolates at candies. At ang ikatlo, ang daming masasamang nangyari sa ating bansa nitong nakalipas na mga buwan. Hindi ba dapat mas bigyan natin ng atensyon ang mga isyu na ito kesa sa mga walang kwentang dinner and movie dates? Mag-donate na lang tayo sa mga naapektuhan ng lindol sa Haiti kesa gumastos sa mga hotels o motels? At ilan lang ito sa napakarami pang kadahilanan kung bakit ipinapag-bawal ko ang pagdaraos ng Valentine’s Day ngayong 2010.

At ang pinakahuli at pinakamahalaga, maging sensitibo sana tayo sa iba nating kababayan na dumadanas ng pusong bigo at sawi sa pag-ibig. Hanggat maaari ay huwag nating ipakita na masayang-masaya tayo sa piling ng ating mga kasintahan. Yun lang po, magandang gabi at maraming salamat.

Pardon me, I’m bitter.