One boring night, you decided to cyber-talk (tech term for online chatting), after time immemorial. At sa kamalas-malasan nga naman ng pagkakataon, eto pa ang sasambulat sayo:
1_h0Tti3_xXx: EoW pFuOh!
You: Huh?
1_h0Tti3_xXx: i LLyK tO knOw moR3 bOut u, PwfoH. crE 2 t3ll mE yur N@me? jejejejeje!
You: You are a jejemon! Don't talk to me, you uneducated retard!
1_h0Tti3_xXx: T_T
... to be continued...
Meanwhile, isang araw (actually gabi yun), may 2 friends na nag-meet sa isang lugar kung saan 2 klase lang ng tao ang makikita: badings or social climbers. Sa Starbucks.
A: Hay nakoh anung petsa na?
B: Di ko alam wala akong dalang kalendaryo.
A: Ewan ko sayo! Hmp! (with matching padabog and nguso factor). Lika order na tayo!
B: Ah oorder ba? Kala ko magpapasosyal lang tayo dito.
A: (Dedma). Anong coffee mo? Libre na kita.
B: Now you’re talking! (wala lang palang pera ang hitad, dami pang satsat).
Pagkatapos umorder
B: Siyanga pala, bakit nga ba bigla kang nag-aya magkape? E pwede naman tayong tumambay sa bahay. Just like the old days.
A: That’s exactly my point. I feel like those old days are far gone already.
B: Huh? (nosebleed).
A: What I mean is ang dami ng tao sa buhay natin ang umaalis. Tapos tayo andito pa din.
B: Bakit si V lang naman at tsaka si M ang umalis ah?
A: Yun nga. Bakit kelangan pa na magkahiwa-hiwalay. Nakakalungkot lang na after such a long time na magkakasama tayo, and mind you, those days were really fun. Then all of a sudden, they’re gone. Just like that.
B: Teka medyo senti na tayo ah. Pero diba, kaya sila umalis because of greener pastures? Hindi lang yun basta-basta.
A: I understand. Kaso hindi lang talaga ko sanay na maiwan.
B: Yeah, kahit naman sino. Pero naisip mo ba kung gano naman kasakit para sa kanila ang umalis? Kasi sometimes, as humans, we tend to be selfish and all we think is about ourselves. But then we have to consider it’s probably twice as hard for them to not just leave the people they love but also go somewhere that’s outside of their comfort zone.
A: Point taken. Pero di mo ba naisip na umalis na lang din? Baka iwan mo din ako ah!
B: Of course not. I would never do that to you. We’re BFF’s right?
After almost 2 hours of tsismisan
A: Lika na. Uwi na ko.
B: Ok. Bye!
A: Ba-bye!
Morale: Goodbyes are forever.
Since Saturday night is party night, Paris and Dixie went drinking. At dahil hindi nila kayang lumevel due to budget constraints, napilitan silang mag-bucket na lang ng Red Horse.
Paris: I miss you friend!
Dixie: Miss yah more!
After a sudden silence
Paris & Dixie: Haha!! Tama na plastikan!
Dixie: O sya-sya, musta life? Balita ko you have a masugid suitor from University of Morayta.
Paris: Yeah. He’s nice actually. Cute naman. Kaso I really don’t feel anything special about him.
Dixie: Choosy ka! Pero sabagay, you can’t command the heart. Ako nga, fulfilled sa sex but there’s still something missing.
Paris: Ikaw na ang sex-god! Haha! Pero di mo ba naisip minsan na mag-settle?
Dixie: As of now, hindi pa. Especially pag napiitan ka lang mag-settle just because of pressure dahil tumatanda na. Pero minsan, nakakapagod din. Paulit-ulit na lang.
Paris: Exactly. You meet someone. Fall in love. Fall out of love o kaya break-up. Then meet a new one again. The cycle goes on.
Dixie: I love first dates! Everything seems so magical. Kilig-kiligan lang!
Paris: Yun eh kung like mo ang ka-date mo! What if hindi? What if chakaness?
Dixie: Hmm... Gano kapangit? I think we need to set a standard for kapangitan. Hahaha!
Paris: What if sing-pangit ni **** pero super yaman?
Dixie: As in super?? (eyes sparkling) At kung mag-offer ay mas mataas pa kay banker??
Paris: Deal!!!
Morale: Admit it or not, money sets love standards.
Agent Cutie (AC) is now seatmates with Crush at work. Ok na sana except for one thing - hindi na niya crush si Crush. So let’s name him na lang as Ex-Crush.
Monday
AC: Ui, musta naman ang mga calls mo?
Ex-Crush: Bad trip nga eh! Puro sup calls. Those dumb Canadians!
AC: Easy lang. Because of that, kumain na lang tayo! (sabay hagis ng chips).
Ex-Crush: Wow thanks! (while munching) Buti na lang may swimming kami ni girlfriend this Saturday. At east, I have something to look forward to.
AC: Right. Look at the bright side! (note: walang bitterness ‘to!)
Tuesday
AC: Wow ang aga mo ah.
Ex-Crush: Ang dami ko pa tatapusin na monitors, badtrip!
AC: Ako din. Cueing kasi, pakshet!
Ex-Crush: Oo nga, kaka-stress. Good thing, manunuod kami Iron Man 2 ni girlfriend sa Sunday. Excited na ko!
AC: Correct. Silver lining behind toxic clouds! Hehe (note: wala talagang bitterness ‘to)
At home, while accidentally checking out his cellphone Call Register, Agent Cutie found out he called Ex-Crush last Saturday night – while he’s drunk!
Wednesday
AC: (thinking if he’s going to ask Ex-Crush about what happened last Saturday) Ui, what time daw yung meeting?
Ex-Crush: Not sure eh. Tatawagin naman siguro tayo nung mga yun. Tsaka ang dami ko pang di natatapos. Kasi naman ang hirap pagsabayin mag-calls tsaka mag-monitor. Tapos di pa ko makapag-OT kasi magkikita kami ni girl...
AC: (suddenly butt-in) Ui, tinawagan ba kita nung Saturday night?
Ex-Crush: Ah.. eh.. yup. Bakit nga pala? Sori di ko nasagot ah. I was asleep na at that time. Kasi umalis pa ko after our shift that day. Nag-lunch kami ni girlfriend sa Morato. Favorite niya kasi yung restaurant dun. Tapos nagpasama pa siya pumunta sa...
AC: (smile – what a relief!)
Ex-Crush: Grabe pagod na pagod nga ako nun e. Pero ok lang kasi kasama ko naman si girlfriend. Tsaka after, minasahe naman niya ko. Kasi graduate din siya ng nursing. Mag-take nga siya ng board...
AC: (all he can hear is blah.. blah.. and realizes: kaya pala puro girlfriend ang topic... feeling niya may feelings pa din ako sa kanya!)
Morale: Drunk calling is way more hazardous than drunk driving.
...continuation of the Jejemon experience..
1_h0Tti3_xXx: kZ uR So hOT pE0w! loLz! + __+ ceYR2 ChAt, N0h?
You: What the hell are you still chatting with me? Get your own life for fuck’s sake!
1_h0Tti3_xXx: Nu gWA~ Nio~ pUh Ng@UN, N0H? HoPe~ mgkITA taU 1 tym LOlZ!~ =>> Seb, AnyNe,~ n0H?, <+__+> N0h?~ JEJeJe!!
You: Jejeje mo mukha mo!
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