To myself (one year from now),
How are you? I hope your ok. Not that I’m worried since if there’s one thing I know about you is that you are a survivor. It’s true, time flies so fast and so many things have happened from the time I’m writing this and you reading it. I’m not going to make a fuss anymore all the possibilities that can turn out from that one year gap. It’s endless.
Remember when you started your training on your new job? You don’t know anyone. But instead of being scared, you thought this will be the best time to experiment about yourself. True, you are confident but you have insecurities as well. That includes your current relationship. During that time, you knew it was nearing the end but when it’s time to finalize it, you felt the world stumbling down on you. You cried your heart out. Afraid of not finding love again.
Then you met him. He was just one of the crowd during the first few days but after a while, he’s the only one who stand out in your eyes. Blame no one, but the assuming in you thought you can be together. You tried erasing the picture of him being your boyfriend several times but the exact same thoughts keep coming back and wanting for more. You find yourself head over heels for him. Like your adornment for a pair of shoes you once saw while shopping, but whatever you do, still you can’t buy it because it just doesn’t fit your feet. And you promise yourself there will be some other nice shoes some other time.
You may or may not get a job promotion. Actually, I’m not even sure if you’re still in the same company. I guess no one really knows it. As Peyton Sawyer once said in One Tree Hill, “people always leave”. But no matter how you’re used to parting ways, you still get sad everytime you close a chapter. Nonetheless, you still live, however fucked up the situation is. And that’s why I’m proud of you. As the saying goes “The brave may only live once but the cautious will not live at all.”
You, may not be brave. But you are definitely a survivor.
XoXo
