IV
“Everyone’s a dreamer running away high but in the end of it all is a sacred dwelling place.”
The stillness of Baguio’s backdrop seems not enough to calm Alex. The crisp cold air of a February morning contrasts to the emptiness he is feeling. His black coffee and a stranger company are perfect match to a clueless journey he’s undergoing.
“What do you want, Alex?”, asked the stranger.
“I have no clue”, he answered, confused.
“Why are you here, Alex”
“I don’t know”, he replied stuttering.
"Where are you going, Alex?"
“What are you thinking, Alex?”
“Who are you, Alex?”
“Alex..Alex...Alex!”
Kiko woke him up from a dream he himself created. Questions still circling on his head like an enigma stigmatized into his soul. He’s scared not because he’s confused but because he has no answer to any of these questions.
Alex went into hiding exactly 5 months ago now. Kiko has been an activist since he can remember. Alex is full of doubts on what he’s supposed to do while Kiko has a definite plan of action. He conceals while he reveals. Together they help one another on finding the perfect path to their life-long journey.
“Aren’t you tired of fighting for something with no guarantee of it being successful?”, Alex asked Kiko while sipping a cup of coffee for breakfast.
“Why would someone be tired of fighting for something he strongly believes in?”, Kiko answered him while looking on a great view of the city’s hilltop.
“And what do you call of someone who just gave up the fight?”, Alex added another question. “Do you call him weak?”
“No. I say he’s just confused.”, Kiko mildly answered but with a definite tone on his voice.
The two met after a month Alex decided to search for the missing piece of his lost soul. The pristine vista of the coldest place in the country seems to be a seamless location for this so-called undefined expedition. Coming from different polar point of views, they tend to magnetize each other’s ideals and contradictions.
“I envy you Kiko. Everytime happiness is within my reach... feels like I can grasp it... always it slips away. And you remain stable and stay with purpose. I think I’m giving up.”, Alex confessed one day.
“One must know happiness is a state of mind. It can never be found. If you over think, over plan, over do it, never will it come right at you. Everyone’s a dreamer but at some point we all need to wake up.”, Kiko explained preachingly.
After a few moments of silence, when all they can hear are birds chirping and pine trees gushing, Alex suddenly whispered:
“I feel so sad. Loneliness envelopes me...”, Alex seems on the verge of breaking down.
“Let me tell you one thing Alex,” Kiko paused, breathed and continued “I may be concise with my plan but I seek the world answers to my unending questions. Unfortunately for me, time can be so indefinite. And you... you seek your heart the answers to the world’s unending question. Luckily, you know what to do.”
V
“Love burns brighter than sunshine”
While walking the street which leads to his apartment, Alex suddenly realized something. He feels like he’s chasing pavements. All his life he’s searching for something missing, something to make his puzzle complete. A dream job, perfect partner, life’s contentment. Every occupation, all the men, each of the instances occurred to him seem worthless. Until now, he’s still unhappy. Until now he gave up dreaming and moved on to focus on reality. Until now.
When he reached the doorsteps on the foot of the building he lives in, Alex was stunned to see a familiar face waiting. His heart begins to beat faster than usual, a feeling of excitement tingles her senses. Happy and perplexed, he just can’t figure out what to expect.
“I heard you were in the city...” is all Alex can think of saying.
The man answered gently, “I left right after Octoberfest ten years ago. My heart broke when I saw you kissing someone after the party. You were just so happy.”
Alex remembered something, a promise he made years ago. The he continued, “And you also used to be out of the country...”
“I watched you so blissfully with my heart melting. You seem to have figured out what to do with your future. You had your perfect man, your dream job, everything according to plan. That was the moment I decided to let you go.”, the man explained, his emotions clearly shown on his face.
Alex is now struggling not to cry. “Why did you go back?”
“I looked after you in Baguio. It pains me finding you so confused and hurt. I wanted to hold you, comfort you, hugged you so tight until you can feel our hearts beat as one. But I know that was not the right time yet. You had to find yourself first.”
And the man continued looking straight into Alex’s eyes, “Everywhere I go, Alex, I caught up with you.”
Alex can’t hold up his tears now. More than ever, he cried happiness. And he spoke:
“You caught me so many times.”
Owen and Alex stared at each other for a very long time. They feel anxious, worried, afraid of what’s in store for them. But the only thing that matters is now. What’s important is not what’s necessary.
And they kissed until they run out of breath.
We never saw it happening, we’d given up and given in. Feels tied up in ancient history, we didn’t believe in destiny. When we look up someone’s standing next to us. Love burns brighter than sunshine.
- End -
