III
“It may take two parties to war, but always only need one white flag to end it.”
Almost four hours past his bedtime and still, Alex couldn’t sleep that night. He’s unsure if it’s the sluggish buzzing of the insects on his window porch or the lingering sound of his moving electric fan that’s bothering him. One thing’s for sure, something’s wearing him off. As much as he wanted to doze off, his subconscious body isn’t just cooperating. Feeling tired and restless, he sought to his medicine cabinet a mild tranquilizer to help. But he had second thoughts, afraid his life might be dependent on it. He went back to bed exhausted and fidgety, cling on to a book he never gets tired of reading and small droplets of tears come down from his eyes.
It’s called “The Unexpected”. Indeed it was. It almost came from nowhere. Alex can still vividly remember what exactly happened that momentous afternoon. While reading the book written by his long-time boyfriend, a question still circling into his head- Have the last words been said?
Alex and Brian met and fell in love in the same workplace. They share the same passion for writing. Both are huge believers that words put into paper are the greatest form of art. And that no other weapon is as powerful as an editorial expressively written by its author. As Brian is an old character to the industry, Alex is a first-timer and a subordinate. Needles to say, Brian unreluctantly helped Alex climb into the haul wall of journalism whilst Alex whole-heartedly supported his boyfriend’s long-time dream of becoming a published novelist.
Friends have their hundred percent support on their relationship, some have their doubts if they can sustain a flourishing love they started from mutual interests and, most are painfully realistic to call their relationship parasitical. But four years into the making, Alex and Brian knew they can handle it.
They create a promising happy ending to a cliché fairy tale not knowing that their own story will finish off even before it starts. The fight started after the proposal.
Brian dropped by unannounced at Alex’s place that rainy August afternoon. It seems to him there are some issues unresolved. “I saw lights on through your window, thought you might be working, which by the way is not surprising since I know how hard you work...” His statement seems open-ended, waiting for a response.
“I was just reading your book...”, Alex replied gently, also open-ended.
After a few moments of silence, he added “What happened Brian? What happened to our four years of planning? You said true love always. Have you forgotten?” Now his voice strong and clear, confused and hurt.
“I did not forget. What I did is the opposite of forget. All I want is us – forever. I thought that’s also what you want.” Brian explained calmly.
“It was going so great, everything according to plan. I’ll be editor-in-chief and you will be a published author. Until you came to me three days ago and ambushed me.” Alex is starting to get chills on his voice.
“If by ambushed you mean proposed to you...” Brian responded indignantly now.
“Yeah! A proposal driven by insecurity which I have never been able to understand.” Alex replied, looking confused.
“Here’s how you do it Alex. If someone proposed to you, you say yes. You don’t say no and call them insecure!” Brian strongly justifying his action.
“I didn’t say no. I said I love you but I don’t wanna marry you yet!”
“And when will you be ready? Ten years?! Fifty years?! There’s no right time Alex! I already felt your love fading out on me. I just want to flame it up again...” Brian said stutteringly.
“God Brian, I already feel helpless achieving my dream. How can you add up to my struggle? Of all people, Brian, I just didn’t expect.” Alex replied, now crying. And he added, with conviction on his voice “You gave up on us!”
Have the last words been said? Alex thought, tears now racing down his face.
“I gave up on us?! By proposing, I gave up on us?!” Brian’s angry voice seems to don’t mind the torrential rain pouring outside.
But Alex replied immediately “By not waiting, you gave up on us!”
“No Alex, you gave up on me! You don’t think I can make it as a writer! You think I can’t have my book published!” Brian almost shouted his feelings towards Alex.
“If you think so, then how come every single day of my life, I always read and try to memorize each verses you wrote in here?!” Alex said, strongly gripping the book. “You said I can be great! You said we can be forever! I wished you never said that ‘cause you don’t mean any of it!” Alex is so angry with his words. He can’t help but to throw the book to Brian.
Alex had never been so mad before. His words echoed across the room. Then there came silence. For a moment, the only thing they can hear are the raindrops falling on the roof overhead. For seconds they were able to think clearly. They both know it only needs a single white flag to end this.
Brian broke the silence “I see you’re already packed. You’re really going home.” It was not a question, more of an agreeing statement.
Alex just nodded. He wanted to say something but his tears control his emotion. Tomorrow will be a new day, new job, same him. For once he wanted a defined conclusion to what seems like an unending battle. And he spoke “What’s after this?”
“I think it’s over.” Brian ended crying but clearly.
The last words have been said.
To be cont’d
